I love my district and I know that I have been blessed with them for a reason! We wrote each other warm fuzzies (compliments) and I seriously died! I didn't think people liked me! hahah just kidding! BUt really, they were so nice!
I forgot my journal today so I don't have a whole lot of experiences, but I do remember the important stuff, so you will get some cool stories. So this was my last week in the CCM and it has honestly been the best! I have put forth all my efforts to speak the language all the time (that is why this says SOLO ESPAÑOL). And I have just been trying to be the best missionary I can be.
Sunday was Fast and Testimony meeting. WHICH I LOVED!! I compared my testimony the first Sunday to my testimony now, and I am amazed at how much I have grown. I know so much more and my testimony has become sooooo strong just in these past couple weeks. I bore my testimony about my savior. I know he lives and I know he died for me. The atonement is for everyone not just sinners. Christ atoned for our sins, but also for so much more. If you read ALMA 7:11-13 you can understand how much he truly did for us. Every affliction, trial, temptation, challenge, difficulty, he endured for us. He suffered this so he could know how to comfort and succor us. I have so much love for him. I still love Elder Hollands talk about missionary work and the atonement. How can we expect this to be easy for us when it was never easy for him. Also if you guys want spiritual upliftment I recommend reading Brad Wilcox's talk: His Grace is Sufficient. This talk has changed my life and helped me want to become a better person: not because I should, but really because I want to be. I want to be able to stand before the judgment seat with NO REGRETS.
There is such a strong spirit during testimony meetings. I started bawling. All my hermanas bore their testimonies first and I finish it off. President Romero told us that we have the gift of tongues. His testimony of that reminded me of how important it is to live worthily enough to receive this blessing my whole mission.
Okay so I am not usually homesick or anything, but this week was hard! I honestly wondered why I was out here and if it was even worth it...I feel bad for saying that but that was exactly how I felt. I was feeling SUPER inadequate. So I went to class with a prayer in my heart that everything would be okay and that I would still have faith enough to serve a mission. That is when I talked to my teacher, Hermano Saucedo. He changed my life from the very beginning and He gave me words of comfort.
I AM REALLY HARD ON MYSELF! (if you didn't know this already) and I was feeling super anxios about leaving. I have been doing everything I can but I don't feel like I am good enough. That is when Hmo Saucey took me to the back of the class and we had a conversation in PERFECT spanish. I told him my thoughts and how i didn't feel like I was being the missionary He needed me to be. Then he said the following: "hermana Poulson. Do you want to know something? You are the best missionary in this district. And I am not saying that to make you happy. You really are. You have a strong testimony-I can feel it and so can the other members of our district. Your spanish es muy bueno. Seriously. And you know what else, I never need to tell you what you can do to be better because you are already doing it."
He shared with me the scripture in Luke 7 I think. It is about the lost sheep and how Jesus went after the one and left the ninety and nine. I started bawling! One of my young womens leaders shared this story with me and with almost the exact words. "hermana Poulson. I have perfect knowlegde that you are one of the ninety and nine. You are doing everything you need to be and Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ aren't as focused on searching you out because they already know where you are, and that you will never leave them."
He also shared with me some really personal stories about the Character of Christ. He told me that I am so much like Christ, but that I was missing one thing: Charity. Not for other people but for myself. I need to have the same love I have for others, for myself. He told me several things which touched my heart so much! Especially about the Atonement. The Atonement isn''t just for sinners. I can use the atonement. He shared this part with my district the next day. "You can't make it through life and through your missions without the atonement. You can't expect to go out there on your own and do everything by your own power. No! Elderes and Hermanas you need the atonement just as much as your investigators. You need to access the power of the atonement each and everyday."
Wow there was so much power when he spoke that to me! That was exactly what I needed. I can't do this alone, and I will never have to do this alone. Christ is always there for me. And he needs me just as much as I need him. he is calling to me to come unto Him and He is calling to all of us to do that.
I had another way cool spiritual experience this week. TRC is where we teach REAL people from the outside world. Hermano Diaz (the night teacher) brings us investigators. He brought one of his friends who is a less active. He didn't tell us anything that was wrong and we needed to use the gift of discernment.
My friends Elder Benson and Dobosz taught him first and they set us up for an awesome lesson. Frankfurt spoke NO ENGLISH whatsoever and his spanish was faster than anything i have ever heard in my life. Even when you say "mas despaseo por favor" they still go a million miles per hour. Thankfully I can pick up on words and phrases. And I honestly have been blessed with the gift of discernment, which I will forever be grateful for! I understood that he had made mistakes, and didn't feel the spirit in his life. he didn't even feel worthy to pray. I was praying the whole time he was telling us that i would know what to share with him. I then remembered the atonement, which is the theme of my week. I started to bear my testimony of my savior Jesus Christ and all he has done for me and for all of us. I shared my favorite Scripture Alma 7; 11-13. I asked him how he felt about our savior. And he started CRYING! He had problems with the word of wisdom. He felt unworthy of the Love of our Savior. I started testifying of that Christ loves us no matter what. he wouldn't have gone through that if he didn't love us. The spirit was so strong. I was overcome with such great emotion that I couldn't say anything. Then the spirit started speaking through me. I don't know what was said but I know it was exactly what he needed to hear. The spirit touched his heart and I feel so blessed to be a part of that spiritual experience.
One last story. Our Teacher (Saucey) is also our investigator Carlos. This was my second to last lesson with him. we started talking about how hard it is to always do what is right. He is struggling with the word of wisdom, but he knows what he should be doing and what he needs to do. Carlos has the desire to change. He has the faith. My companion wrote down some questions about how he can strengthen his faith and how he can overcome temptation. He answered those and then I asked him a question: "Carlos, tiene un testimonio de Jesuscristo?"
He asked what a testimony was and I explained that it was what we believed in. He then went on to tell us all he knew about Christ. I asked him how he felt about Christ. And that is where the spirit truly came in and took over. he told us how much Christ meant to him. There was the change. His faith was so strong. His testimony was so strong. The spirit testified to us and to Carlos that this church was true, that Jesus Christ is our Savior. And that all we need to do is repent and come unto him. When we finished the lesson, we told him to be prepared to share with us his testimony again one last time before we would leave. He asked us why we were leaving for good. I told him "Nostros somos misioneras. Nosotros vamos a Chile a enseñsamos ellos sobre la inglesia." Once again the tears started coming. I don't know what I am going to do on my mission. I love people so much and I don't want to leave them, especially when I see the change in their hearts. Carlos started crying too.
This was my accomplishment this week: I made two investigators cry.
Just kidding! This was honestly the best week of the CCM. I can't wait to get out to the field. There are so many people waiting for this gospel and I am the manera.
Love you all so much! I pray for you guys everyday! Stay strong and firm in the Faith. Faith ALWAYS overcomes Fear.
love,
Hermana Poulson
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