Feb 9th -

I am leaving the CCM to go to Chile today and I just wanted to let you all know how grateful I am for your support and love! I would not and could not do this without you. Missions are hard and I am not even out there yet! I know it is hard because salvation isn´t easy- it was never easy for Christ to fulfill his role in the atonement, how can we expect it to be easy for us?

My testimony has grown so much here in the CCM and I know it will grow even more in Chile! I am so excited to meet the people who are waiting for me! It is hard to think about 17 more months of this...But at the same time I only have 17 months to share the gospel with as many people as possible!!!

I was reading in Jacob 5 about the allegory of the olive tree...surprising right?! And I was so amazed at how much it truly relates to missionary work! several times in that chapter it mentions how this in the LAST TIME he will prune his vineyard. I thought about the people in Chile. This could be their last chance to hear the gospel! And it is my responsibility to bring it to them.

I have the greatest love for people that I have only known for 6 weeks and soooo much love for people that I haven´t even met yet! How can this be possible!? Well I know that it is more that just love, it is perfect love, the true love of Christ: CHARITY. 

I think that is what I have learned the most: have Christlike attributes always in your life! Those who love Christ will want to be more like him. And we all love Christ! I want you guys to develop more Christlike attributes! I know it will bless your lifes tremendously.

I pray for you always,

Hermana Poulson

Week 5 - MTC

Heavenly Father is aware of me! I know this to be true in the simplest ways! |Seriously I think my prayers are immediately answered on a daily basis. Like tuesday I prayed for french toast for breakfast even though I knew i wouldn't get any until thursday. GUESS WHAT WE HAD FOR BREAKFAST!!! Tender mercies of the lord! Write them down, because they are EVERYWHERE! I remember elder eyrings talk about the hand of the lord, I promise if you look for it, you will see it!

I love my district and I know that I have been blessed with them for a reason! We wrote each other warm fuzzies (compliments) and I seriously died! I didn't think people liked me! hahah just kidding! BUt really, they were so nice! 

I forgot my journal today so I don't have a whole lot of experiences, but I do remember the important stuff, so you will get some cool stories. So this was my last week in the CCM and it has honestly been the best! I have put forth all my efforts to speak the language all the time (that is why this says SOLO ESPAÑOL). And I have just been trying to be the best missionary I can be. 

Sunday was Fast and Testimony meeting. WHICH I LOVED!! I compared my testimony the first Sunday to my testimony now, and I am amazed at how much I have grown. I know so much more and my testimony has become sooooo strong just in these past couple weeks. I bore my testimony about my savior. I know he lives and I know he died for me. The atonement is for everyone not just sinners. Christ atoned for our sins, but also for so much more. If you read ALMA 7:11-13 you can understand how much he truly did for us. Every affliction, trial, temptation, challenge, difficulty, he endured for us. He suffered this so he could know how to comfort and succor us. I have so much love for him. I still love Elder Hollands talk about missionary work and the atonement. How can we expect this to be easy for us when it was never easy for him. Also if you guys want spiritual upliftment I recommend reading Brad Wilcox's talk: His Grace is Sufficient. This talk has changed my life and helped me want to become a better person: not because I should, but really because I want to be. I want to be able to stand before the judgment seat with NO REGRETS.

There is such a strong spirit during testimony meetings. I started bawling. All my hermanas bore their testimonies first and I finish it off. President Romero told us that we have the gift of tongues. His testimony of that reminded me of how important it is to live worthily enough to receive this blessing my whole mission. 

Okay so I am not usually homesick or anything, but this week was hard! I honestly wondered why I was out here and if it was even worth it...I feel bad for saying that but that was exactly how I felt. I was feeling SUPER inadequate. So I went to class with a prayer in my heart that everything would be okay and that I would still have faith enough to serve a mission. That is when I talked to my teacher, Hermano  Saucedo. He changed my life from the very beginning and He gave me words of comfort. 

I AM REALLY HARD ON MYSELF! (if you didn't know this already) and I was feeling super anxios about leaving. I have been doing everything I can but I don't feel like I am good enough. That is when Hmo Saucey took me to the back of the class and we had a conversation in PERFECT spanish. I told him my thoughts and how i didn't feel like I was being the missionary He needed me to be. Then he said the following: "hermana Poulson. Do you want to know something? You are the best missionary in this district. And I am not saying that to make you happy. You really are. You have a strong testimony-I can feel it and so can the other members of our district. Your spanish es muy bueno. Seriously. And you know what else, I never need to tell you what you can do to be better because you are already doing it."

He shared with me the scripture in Luke 7 I think. It is about the lost sheep and how Jesus went after the one and left the ninety and nine. I started bawling! One of my young womens leaders shared this story with me and with almost the exact words. "hermana Poulson. I have perfect knowlegde that you are one of the ninety and nine. You are doing everything you need to be and Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ aren't as focused on searching you out because they already know where you are, and that you will never leave them."

He also shared with me some really personal stories about the Character of Christ. He told me that I am so much like Christ, but that I was missing one thing: Charity. Not for other people but for myself. I need to have the same love I have for others, for myself. He told me several things which touched my heart so much! Especially about the Atonement. The Atonement isn''t just for sinners. I can use the atonement. He shared this part with my district the next day. "You can't make it through life and through your missions without the atonement. You can't expect to go out there on your own and do everything by your own power. No! Elderes and Hermanas you need the atonement just as much as your investigators. You need to access the power of the atonement each and everyday."

Wow there was so much power when he spoke that to me! That was exactly what I needed. I can't do this alone, and I will never have to do this alone. Christ is always there for me. And he needs me just as much as I need him. he is calling to me to come unto Him and He is calling to all of us to do that.

I had another way cool spiritual experience this week. TRC is where we teach REAL people from the outside world. Hermano Diaz (the night teacher) brings us investigators. He brought one of his friends who is a less active. He didn't tell us anything that was wrong and we needed to use the gift of discernment.

My friends Elder Benson and Dobosz taught him first and they set us up for an awesome lesson. Frankfurt spoke NO ENGLISH whatsoever and his spanish was faster than anything i have ever heard in my life. Even when you say "mas despaseo por favor" they still go a million miles per hour. Thankfully I can pick up on words and phrases. And I honestly have been blessed with the gift of discernment, which I will forever be grateful for! I understood that he had made mistakes, and didn't feel the spirit in his life. he didn't even feel worthy to pray. I was praying the whole time he was telling us that i would know what to share with him. I then remembered the atonement, which is the theme of my week. I started to bear my testimony of my savior Jesus Christ and all he has done for me and for all of us. I shared my favorite Scripture Alma 7; 11-13. I asked him how he felt about our savior. And he started CRYING! He had problems with the word of wisdom. He felt unworthy of the Love of our Savior. I started testifying of that Christ loves us no matter what. he wouldn't have gone through that if he didn't love us. The spirit was so strong. I was overcome with such great emotion that I couldn't say anything. Then the spirit started speaking through me. I don't know what was said but I know it was exactly what he needed to hear. The spirit touched his heart and I feel so blessed to be a part of that spiritual experience.

One last story. Our Teacher (Saucey) is also our investigator Carlos. This was my second to last lesson with him. we started talking about how hard it is to always do what is right. He is struggling with the word of wisdom, but he knows what he should be doing and what he needs to do. Carlos has the desire to change. He has the faith. My companion wrote down some questions about how he can strengthen his faith and how he can overcome temptation. He answered those and then I asked him a question: "Carlos, tiene un testimonio de Jesuscristo?" 

He asked what a testimony was and I explained that it was what we believed in. He then went on to tell us all he knew about Christ. I asked him how he felt about Christ. And that is where the spirit truly came in and took over. he told us how much Christ meant to him. There was the change. His faith was so strong. His testimony was so strong. The spirit testified to us and to Carlos that this church was true, that Jesus Christ is our Savior. And that all we need to do is repent and come unto him. When we finished the lesson, we told him to be prepared to share with us his testimony again one last time before we would leave. He asked us why we were leaving for good. I told him "Nostros somos misioneras. Nosotros vamos a Chile a enseñsamos ellos sobre la inglesia." Once again the tears started coming. I don't know what I am going to do on my mission. I love people so much and I don't want to leave them, especially when I see the change in their hearts. Carlos started crying too. 

This was my accomplishment this week: I made two investigators cry.

Just kidding! This was honestly the best week of the CCM. I can't wait to get out to the field. There are so many people waiting for this gospel and I am the manera. 

Love you all so much! I pray for you guys everyday! Stay strong and firm in the Faith. Faith ALWAYS overcomes Fear.

love,

Hermana Poulson

Week 4 - MTC

In case you didn´t know that means endure to the end...and that is exactly what I am doing. This week was definitely one to be remembered...For both good and bad reasons.. I have been so humbled this week!

Okay so you know how I always say service makes me smile?! Well I have changed my mind. We spent our whole service time and a half scrubbing the bathroom floors. And not just like mopping and stuff, we had giant brooms and like 2 gallons of soap and 60 gallons of water! No joke we were swimming in water in the bathroom! my cute little black and pink childrens shoes were drowned by the grotty bathroom water! We washed the floors like 6 times! At least I now know the bathrooms are squeaky clean! (and I am just kidding, I still love service the most!!)

Our zone is the best! We are still the only hermanas and all the guys are really cool. It is so nice to be here with people going through the same experiences as me! They are in the same week, feeling the same burdens I am. We have a little testimony meeeting with our district on the weekends and it is such a testimony building experience! I love it so much! My testimony has definitely grown these past couple weeks. And my spanish has too! So I taught the Law of Chastity (which is insanely difficult to do in English) and the Word of Wisdom to my investigator Sadami (sounds like salami). And you know what!? I didn´t mess up! Yeah it was kind of awkward, especially coming from two very young sister missionaries. But guess what! I learned the investigators don´t have to just take our word for it! The scriptures back up everything you say! Scriptures combined with Testimonies bring the spirit. And the Spirit is who converts the investigators. I know I can´t do this alone!!

So you know how I said that I have been truly humbled this week, well Sunday was the hardest day of my life. I am fighting the cold that has been spreading around the CCM but on top of that I just had the biggest chastisement of my life. I always thought I was doing what was right. I didn´t mess around or purposely go against the will of God. So sunday came and I went to my zone leadership meeting. President Romaro (who is like a big scary russian looking mexican, but super nice in a terrifying way) told us that we weren´t being good missionaries. He was way concerned for us. I started feeling even worse. I think my guilt was taking over. I know I am not perfect but I seriously feel like I could be doing so much more! He then came to our District meeting. He shared this scripture with us: Moses 5:18. You know how everyone tells you to substitute your name for whoevers name is in the verse...well this is definitely a scripture you DO NOT WANT TO DO THAT IN!!!! Just read it and you will see!! 

Pretty much we were told that we were loving Satan more that God! No one has ever told me that in my life! And it made me even more sick! The guilt was killing me! That is when I repented! And I cried for forgiveness. I have never appreciated the power and love that the Atonement brings. I won´t explain all my trials and temptations I have experienced here but I just want you all to know that I KNOW that my redeemer lives. I know that Heavenly Father answers my prayers. Saturday night I prayed to know what I should do and the next day my prayers were answered, and not in the way I would have liked, but in the way I needed it to be. President Romaro pulled me aside after church and talked to me about some stuff and I have never felt so much love! This has blessed my life and changed my mission for the better! He gave me a talk to read by Elder Bednar. Look up The Character of Christ. It is a BYU-I address. It is SOOO GOOD!!

Monday was still hard and I still felt sicker that sick, but it was all good! I know that I can be strengthened through Christ! We taught Carlos about repentance. Its hard to sound all loving and like they aren´t a bad person, especially when you don´t know the words in spanish. But we were able to testify that we can feel clean and free from guilt! That is what changes investigators. They know how to change and its so cool! We had him read a couple scriptures about repentance and hma Long shared a personal story. Hermano Saucedo (carlos) told us afterwards that we did good, but that Carlos felt like he was a sinner and that we didn´t really care! And that totally killed my mood! I thought I had a good lesson, and I was trying to avoid hurting him...We made a plan to fix our lesson next time.

Tuesday: Devotional was amazing!! I love when the speaker is live!! So much better than a prerecorded devo or one from provo! I learned so much about how missions will bless my life! I received the greatest blessing/promise ever!! I was promised that by the end of my mission I will be FLUENT in spanish!! And this won´t just bless me while I am on my mission, but it will be a blessing the rest of my life. Because of my choice to serve a mission and my willingness to learn a language, My current family, and my future family will be blessed. This will change my life. Missions are like life-prep. I won´t finish my mission after these next 17 months, no my mission will continue throughout my life! I will never stop being a disciple and example of Jesus Christ! Boom Testimony Strengthened! 

Wednesday was equally blessed! Okay so we had to make up from our mistake last lesson! We talked about the power of the atonement! This is something I can actually talk about because I have experienced this in my life MULTIPLE times!! I get frustrated because everyone else can relate to investigators because they have experienced trials and gone through so much- but my life has honestly been pretty easy to this point so I don´t relate as well. But this time I could actually relate to them! 

I told Carlos about the time in my life that I felt alone, like no one was there and no one understood me. Then I told him that Christ is there for me. He always has been and always will be. Because of the Atonement He truly knows EXACTLY what I am going through and exactly how to help me. Read Alma 7:11-13. This is one of my many favorite scriptures! I almost have it memorized in spanish! In this scripture we learn that Christ didn´t just suffer for our sins, but for all our afflictions, trials, tribulations, challenges, temptations. This means everything to me. 

So I´ll end on that note! Christ lives and died for each of us. You are never alone in this life. Through Christ you can be made clean and free from all your guilt, sins, and sorrows. I have felt songs of redeeming love. I have received His image in my countenance. And I will not ever let his light leave my life. I love you all so much! I wouldn´t be the person I am today without the examples of everyone around me, especially my family. I am so glad they raised me to be strong in the gospel. 

Love, 

Hermana Poulson

P.S I got the letter my parents sent before I left today!! I feel the LOVE SO MUCH!!! Thanks for brightening my day! I LOVE YOU GUYS MORE THAN ANYTHING! Remember that if I didn´t love this gospel I wouldn´t be doing this!!

Week 3 - MTC

Dear family and friends,

3 weeks down, 3 to go! At least here in the MTC...

Typing on spanish keyboards is INSANELY frustrating, but I am getting used to it. So this week also has flown by like crazy! Last friday we taught investigators in the morning and did service that afternoon, I know my mom has taught me well, because I LOVE SERVICE!! We play volleyball and Kickball with District 15B. They are the guys who just left on monday, but they have been our friends and helped us out the whole time. It was really hard to say by to them one monday, but I know they will do amazing things in Mexico! 

Saturdays don´t even feel real, they just feel like a more causal work day. Which is great for me! I love working hard, because I am less homesick! I didn´t think I would get homesick, but guess what, I am! But not a lot so don´t worry;) I was kind of frustrated teaching Carlos saturday morning...My companion and I were like on different pages, and I had spent all friday night studying spanish words for a specific lesson. We didn´t even talk about what I was prepared to say so I got lost and had to remember lots of confusing words. 

Sunday was the saddest day of the week. We said goodbye to 15B and also to the MTC Presidents, The Pratts. It was sad. They have lived in other countries all their lives in various missionary and church capacities. I will miss them, but the new president will be awesome too! We watched the Testament for movie night. I don´t know why I am so emotional, but I was crying. I wished I could have been alive when the Savior came. I hope that my family can be together. I can´t imagine what it would be like if someone was missing....

Also, for all of you who know I don´t have piano skills, I play every sacrament meeting and today we had a special musical number! It was one of my favorite Hymns, If You Could Hie to Kolob!! That song is so hard, but so fun to play! I can play it if I practice, but guess what! They don´t have time for practicing so my district and I just ran through it twice and harmonized and everything! You know how shaky I get when I play?! Well the spirit literally took over and I played without a mistake! The Lord will help his people in the very second they need it! 

Monday we challenged Carlos to be Baptized!! AND He said YES!!! Now we are teaching him about the Law of Chastity and the other commandments he needs to be baptized, so wish me luck! Everything is so much harder to do in spanish. I think I know why I was called spanish speaking: I am comfortable sharing the gospel in english. But God doesn´t want us to be comfortable, he wants us to learn, grow and progress. I need to learn spanish so I can grow and become more of what He wants, and needs me to be!

Tuesday...same as every other day! We teach we pray we study...repeat.

Wednesday. We got to be greeters!!! This means we welcome the newbies!! BEST DAY EVER!!!I serisouly love service so much! and it was so great to meet new people who were feeling what I felt like 3 weeks ago! They came to me today to ask for advice, I am like their big sister now and I LOVE IT!!! I loved seeing their smiles as they saw missionaries and opened up their bags to get their name tags! I was so happy when I opened mine! Hermana Poulson!!! I love it!! Wanna hear something funny about that day?!?! So I was fasting all day today and we were there super late and immediately went to TRC (teaching real Hispanics...) But I slipped in and grabbed something to eat and guess what it was....HOTDOGS!! yeah, I continued fasting and binged on granola bars when I went to bed;)

TRC was amazing! We taught 2 guys about prayer. Although my spanish is still limited I know how to teach them about prayer and how to pray. Both the guys were already LDS but they were the only members in their family...I can´t imaging that! But I asked them questions about how prayer has helped them. And they both started CRYING! The spirit was sooo strong! 

Yo sé qué Jesuscristo es nuestro Salvador y Redentor. Jesucristo sufrío para nosotros y podemos ser limpio y libre de nuestros pecados. Dios es nuestro Padre Celestial. El tiene un plan para nosotros a volvemos a El otra ves. Por medio de la Expiación puedo arrepentar. Yo se que José Smith fue un profeta y la iglesia de Jesucristo de los Santos de los últimos días es el solomente iglesia verdadera en la tierra. Soy un misionera de esta iglesia y Soy una disipla de Jesucristo. 

En el nombre de Jesucristo Amén.

Mucho Amor,

Hermana Poulson

P.S. I know the whole First Vision and Santiago 1:5!! See I am learning something!!! I am working on all the Articulos de Fe!!!